Shielded in Broken Armours
Reverie
You sleep, my angel, holding me in your arms.
There are few nights like this one, when it is you who shares his protectiveness with me. Few nights when you forget your insecurities in exchange of my love. It is I who always holds you, shelters and protects you. It is you who feel the need to cuddle against me, night after night.
Who would have said that the famous Angelian High Commander was so gentle a lover, and so starved for attention? You always seem so secure, hiding behind your armour. But then again, I do the same thing.
It is a point we have in common, you and I. We wear our shiny armours into battle, but few realize those armours can be so easily broken. All it would take is patience, and perhaps a little friendship... and love.
I smile and raise my head from the strong shoulder I have been using as my pillow tonight, and I look up at you. Your face, even shadowed by the night, looks peaceful to me. It is another rare event, for you usually hide from the world against my chest, holding on desperately while bad dreams plague your rest. No, nothing like my nightmares, or even my encounters with a daimon creature from another realm. Yours are not real images, but rather inner fears gaining control when you are most vulnerable.
I know, for I have searched your mind for them; I tried to douse their violent flow. To a certain extent, I have managed... but there is still so much pain hidden inside you, a pain I cannot reach unless you let me do it. And I don't think either of us is ready for that step just yet. It requires something I refuse to admit to, the same thing you fear it might be a lie.
Gently, I run my hand over your face, and touch my lips to yours as I have done before, months ago in a war tent. Do you remember that night, and our first kiss? I think you do, even if you believe it was just your fantasy. I saved your life that night, and now your life belongs tome.
Such a selfish statement... but I am a selfish lover. A jealous one, too, even if one might not say so at first sight. I envy those who got to you first, and hate them for hurting you, abandoning you. How could they, I ask myself, when you are such a marvel to behold?
A modest marvel, true - for how many times have you denied your own beauty, or underestimated your charm? You may not be a courtier... but you were not raised to be one. You were taught to be a warrior, at ease among those like him and not in the falseness of a Court. Being a bit of both, I think I can understand you, the complexity that hides behind a simple exterior.
I confess, I did not expect you to be as you are. I thought my chosen one would be pure of both body and soul, and frail like a porcelain doll. But we don't always get what we expect, do we? And, honestly, I am very happy with what I got. You are my perfect match; although I'm sure you and most of the world don't realize it, and we'll most likely go through many arguments until you are ready to accept it.
Ah, but this is still faraway... and right now, we are merely sleeping in each other's arms, looking forward to an uncertain future.
There are many things I wish I could tell you, beloved, and yet I cannot say! I answer most of your questions; but there are others, left unasked. You see, I am forbidden to reveal anything that might influence your choice. You must decide your own path, without interference.
I say it's impossible. I have already severely interfered. But how could I stay away? How, when your eyes were pleading for my affection? How, when I felt your hurt and wanted to drive it away, to replace it with strength and confidence? And damnit, you are so handsome and don't even realize it!
I sigh and bury my face against your neck, against wavy hair and warm skin. I feel your body against me, solid and strong, stronger than mine... I run my hand through pristine feathers, rendered a dark lavender in the night. Your wings are spread beneath us, like a sacrificial pledge to unknown gods.
I know these gods, and I know their will. But how much longer do I have to wait? No matter, it will be a long winter. You are going back home soon; I haven't told you yet but will tomorrow morning. Back to your family, to your friends... Will you forget me once you get there?
I smile against your skin. No, you won't forget. It will be a long winter for the both of us. But perhaps next spring our sun will shine anew...
My brave general, tonight I pledge my heart to you. Tonight, when your rest his peaceful and your heart at ease. Tonight, though you are asleep and do not know it; because it's something that I need to do.
I have never felt like this, beloved. Not even for Rasya, because I knew what she and I had would not be eternal. I did not wish for her death, but I realize it was necessary. She wouldn't have liked to be pushed aside by an Angelian man, and would have fought for my affection. As it is, you had no competition except for my hardened heart. And even that melted at the sight of two green eyes and a lovely smile.
You should smile more - it suits you. You should be happy, too; when all this is behind us and you are mine, I'll make you smile, truly smile, every day of our life.
I have faith in you, you see. I know you will make the right choice, for us and for our lands. I only wish I knew what the price will be.
No matter - I should finish my pledge now. I give my heart to you, forever to hold it as I do the same with yours. My love will be for you only, and I shall never let anyone else own my soul. I won't betray you, and won't lie to you unless I deem it absolutely necessary.
I'll let my mind tell you now what my lips cannot, not yet.
As I lay here with you, I realized one thing:
My dear Marzio, I love you.